i would talk to you, i promise
but i can’t…
cause you’re the sound of summer, and i’m the sound of spring
you’re the taste of strawberries and i’m a swig of gin
you’re the roots growing and i’m them slowly dying
you’re the happy summer nights and i’m staying in crying
There was this one really beautiful girl I’d spotted from across the room, and when I worked up the courage and spoke to her, she said not a word but hummed in tune. And that’s the thing with beautiful people and beautiful things, I don’t understand them- maybe i’m dim? As gorgeous as her dress was and as blue as her eyes were she sang gibberish, a tuneful slur.
hey guys, so this is my new song- again i struggle to put a title to it so its nameless at the moment but i have to like set up with you what this song is about so it doesn’t confuse you :’)
basically i have this really wonderful neighbour- an elder woman who’s name is angela and she’s pretty much been like a third nan to me her whole life - and her husband jim was like a grandad to me too- but he recently passed away and i thought i’d write this song in ang’s perspective about like- the loss of him yeah. i hope you like it and stuff, here it is
The furnitures gone cold and so have I
This armchair isn’t warm anymore from your behind
Marks from your coffee cups have been covered up with coasters
The mug that you loved so much has been moved to the back of the cupboard
I found one of your hairs on my old wollen jumper
Put it out the window and away i watched it flutter
I don’t have a home though I live in a building with a bed
I’m so alone though i live in such a busy world
so yeah that’s it so far :’)
this is a reminder to myself, a post it note if you will to write a song entitled ‘numb bum’
this song will be about how i always fall into the same traps and end up doing the same things accidentally and get hurt and stuff-
even little things like sitting for so long my ass starts to hurt because i have a REALLY boney bottom- but i never learn my lesson, ever
so yeah - numb bum :’)
The proof’s on my face, it’s under my eyes
Bags so big and mascara that’s dried
It’s the lines in my forehead, so dense and clear
The bruise on my lip and the toothpaste smear
It’s the lipstick that’s smudged though my mouth is untouched
Hair so messy and covered in knots
Skin looking red, not rosy but raw
Teeth looking yellow, not cared for
It’s the state of my room, the dirty clothes lay around
Train tickets torn up, scattered all over the floor
It’s the food that’s been there since last tuesday
Slowly getting more moldy, more decay
It’s the papers stacked up, the coursework i haven’t done
Revision guides left to collect the dust
It’s the marks on my wall they reflect something more
Not what you’d expect, not who you thought you’d met
It’s the CD’s that have been scratched
It’s the pencils that have been snapped
It’s the crumpled up letters
It’s the dead promise of ‘better’
It’s all proof, it’s all evidence
Of a young girls heart, broken and scarred
And it sounds so silly and so simple
It seems so naive, paints me as a fool
But be me for one day
You’ll take it back straight away
Live in this mindset, you won’t get out of bed
It’s the lack of caring, it’s the feeling you’re fading
The girl that you once were- you don’t think that you are her
I look in the mirror and seem just the same
But what’s in my head has been exchanged
she’s gone now, i don’t know where to but i can’t find her
that careless girl with messy hair
you might have seen her? she’s hard to miss
clothes so bright, you could spot her through mist
you could hear her from miles her music so loud
her squeaky black boots, her steps booming down
5 foot three, the near smallest in her year
she didn’t mind though, not even a bit
happy, but clumsy - a smile so wide
at the silliest things she would cry
she’s gone now, she was me
but she’s not any more,
shit happens, shit changes
shit you wouldn’t think would happen before
you’d think- wouldn’t you?
that if i mimicked her actions that i could be her again
but it’s not that simple, not that easy- i’ll tell you that friend
we may like the same music and look the same but we’re not
the smile she wore was hers but not mine
i smile for memories of an older time
not now though, if i were to think of now i’d frown
nothing to live for, gloomy and down
i wish to be her, maybe one day i will
but until then i’m stuck
hopless and still
From my shoulder to my arm
My arm to my elbow
My Elbow to my finger
My finger to my fingernail
My nail to my temple
Touching dreams, of someday- maybe
I lie in darkness
I fly through less of consciousness
Those dreams which I once promised myself
I could escape from this hell, here in my head, here on my bed
If only it really were
Pallid fingers fork at forest
the sky sits open up ahead
I defy the light it’s shade
Oh Behave mind,
Mind i have wondered
Wondered in this strange land full of conjured dreams
The sweet feel of happiness
I have it only when i lay my head to rest
Beautiful tales away from my stress
Things only a child could imagine
Things an old mind would dread with passion
I lie in darkness
I fly through less of consciousness
Those dreams which I once promised myself
I could escape from this hell, here in my head, here on my bed
If only it really were
What could be
What should be
What will be
What I want, what I wish for
I was thinking about it and honestly what if the whole kind of love and heartbreak thing is just- well it’s just a concept, isn’t it? I mean before there wasn’t a word to explain this crazy, woozy feeling that we felt but now there’s a word for it, we can label things like this is love this is heartbreak. So now any emotion that we don’t understand towards someone, it’s so easy to label as love.
Labeling feelings is crazy anyway cause that’s what’s so great about feelings - you just feel them…they’re so insane to me. Something so real but you can’t see or hear or touch it, you just feel it inside you and even feeling it is odd if you think about it. Feeling feelings- how very extraordinary. How much you could feel for someone- it’s insane.
It’s so sad that we have to label love. and it leaves me wondering- what if i’m not in love and what if i’m not heartbroken? what if i just feel the things i do because i know that it comes along with heartbreak? A case of me watching too many movies and seeing the characters reactions and considering it as the kind of definition of heartbreak; Laying around feeling nothing and eating countless tubs of ice cream.
So….maybe if i trick myself into this crazy thing that i’ve conjured up here i’ll be ok. Believe some crazy lie i’ve invented for my own sanity.
Sometimes I wish I were a goldfish
What a simple life
Swimming around without a care
Sleep in a castle at night
-
Remember nothing, forget everything
Nothing to burn your mind
Just thoughts of how the bubbles rise
Never miss anything, with your peeled eyes
-
Get fed without working
No learning or exams
Just lay about and do nothing
As happy as a clam
I will burn you and cut you,
Drown you with bleach
Hold you underwater
so what, you can’t breathe
-
Leave you for days at a time
Neglected and ugly, you’re still mine
They say you’re damaged, you need help
Another prescription to stack on the shelf
-
I will burn you and cut you,
Drown you with bleach
Hold you underwater
So what, you can’t breathe
-
I can see you’re in a mess, you’re everywhere these days
I handle you roughly, I hope you’re okay
I think to say sorry, it’s a little too late
It’s been done now, but one day you’ll be great
-
I will burn you and cut you,
Drown you with bleach
Hold you underwater
So what, you can’t breathe
-
You went on so long
You were my only friend
Hours i’d spend
Pulling at your ends
-
I will burn you and cut you,
Drown you with bleach
Hold you underwater
So what, you can’t breathe
-
